Love Who You Love!

LOVE WHO YOU LOVE

WITH ALL THAT YOU HAVE

AND DON'T WASTE THE TIME THAT FLIES SO FAST!

LOVE WHO YOU LOVE

AND SAY THAT YOU DO

HOLD ON AS TIGHT AS THEY'LL LET YOU!

P.S. I love you.

SAY YOU LOVE ME...

SAY YOU LOVE ME...

THEN WRITE IT IN A NICE NOTE!

WRITE IT IN A NICE NOTE!

Verbally communicating the little phrase "I Love You" can have a wonderfully positive impact on any relationship. Sure you can rationalize that if you say it on occasion than the person shouldn't forget, but I guess don't take any chances on that one. Maybe the person doesn't forget, but loves to be reminded that they are loved.

So say "I love you" to someone you love today!

Or write it in a nice note :)

I Am Not The Only One.

In an effort to view the family through the eyes of others I sent out an email to a couple of friends and family that said,

"I just would love it if you could tell me one reason you are thankful that we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints have the knowledge that families can be together forever?"

I was humbled as people shared with me their deep love for their own families. I am surely not the only one who wants to be with my family forever. I guess no matter how much family members, especially siblings, can drive you crazy, or how difficult it may be to watch family members make decisions that cause you pain, we all feel a deep sense of love because of the bond that is created in the family unit.

I have been reassured that even through the difficulties of family life, because it is not going to be an easy road, the truth remains; family will bring the most joy.

When we truly understand the concept that families can be together forever, we will do everything we can to be worthy to meet them again. We will do everything we can to keep the eternal perspective and not let the unimportant issues get in the way of building familial relationships.

The most prevalent answer sent to me by way of email is this: everyone finds comfort in the fact that families can be together forever. Because death is inevitable, it is nice to know that it is not the end. The family relationships will continue in the life to come. I know that is true. And I am not the only one.

Welcome to Our Family Time

Last week was a grand Thanksgiving Holiday. This thanksgiving was dedicated to a Hart Family Reunion celebrating the 50th anniversary of my Grandma and Grandpa Hart.

Can you believe it?

50 years!

50 years later they have 5 kids. 5 sons/daughters in law. 16 grandchildren. And more love than they could have imagined the day of their marriage.

Our family time included

-A Thanksgiving Feast

-A Post Thanksgiving Feast Football Game.

-Family Bingo

-Sharing Stories

-A Toast

-Presents for All

-Pedicures, Golf, and Scavenger Hunts

-Family Pictures Galore

-Good times around the good family table

It was all a lot of fun. And we created a lot of good memories. I love my family. I can't imagine not being with them to celebrate this Holiday season. I can't imagine not knowing that we can be together forever. And I believe that is truly what we should remember during the times we are together. Sure pictures and games and wonderful things but let us not get caught up in these activities, for they would not mean much if we did not have an amazing family to share it with. I know the events may bring back great moments of reminiscing, but some of my most quality family times have been spent in quiet hours where there is no pressure of activities. In these moments I have shared dreams and goals with those I hold closest to me. In these moments I have learned about others as they too have dreams and goals. In these moments I have built a deep trust and connection with my family members.

I believe that is what family time is all about.

Families Can Be Together Forever

I believe this is my last week of posting for school related purposes. I have not even had the chance to cover many of the joys that pertain to marriage. I haven't even started in on the family unit. Luckily this blog does not have to end when I turn in my final report.

I hope yesterdays blog was a good introduction into the idea of the family unit.

In primary we use to sing a song that is called families can be together forever. This is a solid and beautiful doctrine we believe as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. When parents are sealed in the holy temples children are born in a unit that overcomes death and can be eternal. There is pain and sorrow in death, but when we understand this truth there is also a sweet surety that death is not the end. We also have a sense of added desire to live worthy so that we might reunite with family members that have left this mortal state.

I have never had children, but I have been a child. I have felt success in my life. As I have pondered my success I believe that much of it came because I was blessed with a good family life. My mother and father were married in the Idaho Falls Temple, sealed for eternity. They were actively involved in our lives as children. They built traditions which strengthened our family unit. They spent time being good parents. They helped my brothers and I to become good and dear friends. I look to them as a great example of marriage as well as a great example of parenthood. They sacrificed for us. I am so thankful that we can be together forever.

I was reading in a book about this. I quote "Nothing brings more light to a child's face than the sacred assurance that he can be together, forever, with his family. Conversely, nothing tears at his heart more than sensing that the much-promised family belonging may be slipping from his grasp. We do not marry for ourselves alone. Our children are entitled to expect that we live not only for our future but for theirs."

I just know that marriage between a man and a woman that will righteously rear their children is most important, especially in our society today. I know that family units can bring the most happiness in this life. We can be very successful in other areas of this life, but the sweetest joy comes in success in family life.

Thanks Again!

Thanksgiving week has come and gone. To start the week off right I asked one thing of you. Be thankful for your significant other. In the rush of this thing called life I forgot something else to be thankful for. You see most of my posts have been about a partnership that we find in marriage. The whole one man one woman union that is quite beautiful. But what would that union be without a family to back it up? What would it be without crazy kids?

This last week I was reminded how thankful I am for my family. Not only my immediate family, but also my extended family.

Sometimes when I am here all by myself at college I have moments of forgetfulness because what I am doing here kind of revolves around me. I don't want to be prideful or selfish. But if I were to tell the truth what I do is a lot for me. I go to my classes. I grocery shop for me. I study for my tests. Not that I didn't do that before either. What I am really trying to say is that the distance that separates my family and I contributes to my forgetting. But this forgetting has to be momentary because I am so thankful for my family. They do so much for me. They are the reason I am able to be attending BYU and taking my classes, and doing my grocery shopping. I can't imagine accomplishing anything without them.

As we gathered together for Thanksgiving I was reminded just how much they do for me. I was reminded just how much I love them. I was reminded just how much I am thankful for them. I sure do love my crazy family.

Thank You Very Much

Tis the season to be extra thankful. During this time we list everything we are thankful for.

I am so thankful for...

education, life, my apartment, my roommates, my ward, my bishop, neighbors that let me borrow their computer chargers, clothes, snow, christmas music, thanksgiving feasts, adventures, the Savior, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, ect.

I am also so thankful for my family.

We should all be extremely thankful for those people in our lives that are family whether they are blood related or not. We should also be thankful for our significant other if he or she exists.

Tis the season to express your gratitude to him or her.

I like to observe couples married and dating, old and young, couples that are in different periods of their lives. I like to see how they show their gratitude for each other. I observe the smile that follows a proclamation of gratitude. It makes me so happy. When we express gratitude we spread the joy.

So when you are perturbed by the one in your life, or your brothers, sisters, roommates, best friends, ect, just think of all the things you are thankful for because they are in your life. This gratitude will bring you joy and you will be more able to acknowledge the blessings they bring in your life.

I believe gratitude is an essential in marriage, and in life.

Totally Devoted To You!

Devotion. After you take the leap of faith and commit to the one and only, your sweetheart of eternity, it is all about devotion. What is love without commitment? Passion I believe. And that is not enough for marriage.

I looked up devotion on dictionary.com. Here are the results.

profound dedication

earnest attachment to a cause, person, ect.

then came the synonyms

zeal, ardor. see love.

See love. Yes love and devotion, devotion and love. It just goes together. They match. They combine. The flourish in each others presence.

It is profound and earnest.

It makes love real.

What Do You Say To Taking Chances?

Well I was just considering today another characteristic that might be included in marriage, and I am not quite sure how to word it correctly. The essential idea of this characteristic is that the partners in the marriage are willing to overcome fear and risk it all. You see when I say that it sounds immature and irrational, but that is not the kind of risk taking I am talking about. I am thinking more along the lines of intelligent risk taking. Let me back this up with an example or two.

Let's imagine you meet this boy or girl and he or she is everything you have ever dreamed of and wanted. Practically perfect in every way. Then you get to know him or her and a flaw here and there comes through but they are minor and you are in love so no big deal. Then he brings up the marriage question and it is all of the sudden something real and almost tangible and you have to consider if you love them enough to look past the flaws you have seen come through and you have to consider if he has the essentials of the eternal companion and if you work well together. Really you must consider could we make it? And even if you are 99.9% sure you want to be with the person sitting across from you for the rest of your life and into eternity there might be a small moment of fear. Or maybe you are not sure at all and there is a large moment of fear. In either of these circumstances there has to be a leap from fear to faith. I was reading a book that said "covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith." So maybe it is not so much a risk as it is a leap. A real leap into an unknown world. All of our lives up until that point our mindset is on dating dating dating to find the right person. What happens when we find them. We have to shift from the dating dating dating to the commitment commitment commitment mindset. And it is different. And maybe I am the only person in the world that thinks this, but I think it is a little scary too.

What if you are walking along in this life and the right person for you is there but you fail to recognize it. Or is there more than one right person so if you miss the first chance you get a second shot. But what if the first chance was a more compatible choice and you missed it. Or what if you only get one chance. What if you don't have the guts to take the leap of faith and you lose the one thing you have always wanted. What if you are so focused on other goals and opportunities that you miss your greatest goal and opportunity even if he is standing on your doorstep knocking. What if you never answer.

Again, I might be the only person in the whole world that considers this but I think in order to change your status on facebook from relationship to engaged to married there has to be a moment where you overcome fear and take that leap of faith.

I feel like I just went on a rant. And you probably think I am done. I am not.

All the sudden you are married and practically perfect in every way comes screeching to a halt because you encounter your first major life changing decision... now what? You will probably have to take a chance somewhere along the line if you are following your instinct and trusting that what you feel is right.

So maybe in the end this overcoming fear and risking it all is really a leap of faith and trusting in the knowledge you have been given that what you are doing is right.

Honesty is the Best Policy.

Really truly it is.

Honesty has a friend also. Her name is trust.

2 important, no vital characteristics in marriage. Without honestly in the relationship there can be no trust. Dishonestly severs those connections that were built in trust. Connections of trust take a long time to build, but only a moment to break.

Be honest in all things.

I was reading my LDS Marriage and Families manual tonight and have been reading a lot of other material pertaining to marriages recently and finances have been mentioned many times in my reading. Financial honesty is an extremely important issue because it seems to be the cause of much contention and divorce.

This post is a little all over the place mainly because I am a little all over the place all the time. With that said. I think that we as humans all have this desire to be trusted by other people. I know I do. I have always felt that way. I have always wanted to be the person that other people knew they could trust and come to talk to whenever about whatever. I hope I have been good about doing that. But consider for a moment how hard it would be for others to trust me if they knew I wasn't honest. Overall it would just be a bad situation. And I think we all know that. I mean I am pretty sure we learned it in kindergarten.

So why do you think we struggle with it?

Or maybe lots of people really don't struggle with it. Maybe it is just because it is so important that if you do struggle with it, it has far reaching and terribly negative effects.

The moral of this all over the place blog is found in the title.

Just remember Honestly (in everything, including married life) is the best policy.

The Cake Has Been Cut.

The Deal has been Sealed.

You are married. Now what? A little something called life. In fact it is a lot of something called the rest of your life, and eternity. Well how do you make that work? I want to spend a couple of days addressing ideas of how to make marriage work. (As if I knew). I will mostly take the perspective of the experiences people who are actually married have shared with me.

There are a lot of small things that make marriage work, but I believe there are also a lot of essential things that have to be in place in marriages or else there is no hope of survival.

The first one I would like to address is the idea of Sacrifice.

Sacrifice is huge in a marriage. For most of ones life, up to the point of marriage, one tends to think of themself. What do I need? What makes me happy? What do I want to eat for dinner?

I have found in college that "I" is even more extreme. I am thinking about my grades. About my major. About my life plan. And although I love my roommates, the rest of my life is not in Allred 11 with them. But when it comes to marriage the rest of your life is with that one special boy/ girl. So how do we transition from the me perspective to the we perspective? Sacrifice.

Sacrifice includes giving up some things that can be small or significant. Sacrifice is combinding dreams, goals, or ambitions. Sacrifice is not limiting your potential, but it is seeking to join in reaching potential. Marriage doesn't mean we have to give up everything for the other person, but we will have to give up some things.

For example (and this is really simple but true) when married one will probably have to give up Thanksgiving Dinner with ones family every other year, perhaps more often, perhaps less.

Sacrifice is not a bad thing at all either. I sometimes feel that when we say we have to sacrifice something it is negative. Sacrificing can be positive and wonderful. You might have to sacrifice extended family time at Christmas, but that doesn't mean you will not create your own traditions as husband and wife. And those traditions will become so meaningful to the partnership and family.

So learn to sacrifice. And learn to sacrifice in love and patience. Know that if you sacrifice something now, the future may hold opportunities to obtain that which you sacrificed. Think of sacrificing as leaving things on hold because you know what is most important and what you need to do for your marriage. We may not be able to have everything we have ever wanted right now, but give it time, it will come if we are doing what is right and placing priority on the right things.

Remember Dallin H. Oaks good, better, best talk? If not check it out at lds.org. And as you sacrifice keep those ideas in mind.

Marriage Bring Us Together

I didn't really interview anyone about this whole marriage ordeal.

But we talked about marriage in my SFL class today. And it was really interesting. So I thought I would share.

Mostly we were talking about rituals in family life. One of the rituals we were talking about was the actual marriage. Through this ritual we change our membership in the family. We are now a part of another family as well as createing our own family. I was thinking about this marriage ritual. Although across cultures there are different processes and traditions as we join two people together, the marriage has the same function. I believe marriage is beautiful. In every case we join two people together who love each other and promise to care for each other. It is just really neat.

I was reading this book a little bit ago. It was describing how a young couple just got married and he kissed the bride and were announced as husband and wife, the whole enchaldia. Then the person who officiated the wedding leaned into the couple ask queitly asked "Well, how do you like married life so far?" I just thought that was so cute. Admist the wedding, the cake, the pictures, the reception, the people this ritual might lose the meaning it holds. It is just all about two people. Who are going to be together forever. It is a ritual we acknowledge with happiness.

I think that is the way things should be.

Because Love Can Last Forever.

You know, in my personal life right now, I am not a witness to a whole lot of marriages. Since the topic of the week is marriage (you know the actual marriage where we usually spend a whole day in grand celebration) and I have not been able to witness a marriage in the last week, I would like to dig deep into my memory in order to seek an example or observation I have made about marriage.

First I have only been to a few weddings or receptions. So I am not really an expert. I have talked a lot about different marriages. So I am not really an expert. I have watched a plethora of bridal shows. So I am not really an expert. I have also completely planned my perfect marriage. So I am not really an expert. With that said.

I have come to the conclusion that the only perfect way to go in this whole marriage ordeal is to take it to the temple. From watching bridal shows in the real non mormon world there is stress in finding the perfect location to be married. Luxury is expensive. Beauty does not come cheap. The temple is the ultimate in perfect beauty. If you have ever been through an open house you might have an idea what I mean. The sealing room, I believe, captures the essence of what marriage is truly about, because in its simple beauty it does not detract from the words spoken at the ceremony, it only adds to those things said (I think?).

I have witnessed a civil wedding and also seen people as they exit the temple doors. There is a different spirit in these two occurrences. Til death do us part are the words spoken in a civil ceremony. The knowledge I have of forever families allows me to know that marriages performed in the temple are for eternity. I believe you can feel the difference of couples that get married for life and couples that know they can be together for eternity. I am not in any way saying that civil marriages cannot be full happiness. Nor am I saying that civil marriages cannot lead to a life of pure joy and goodness. I am only saying they lack one aspect that truly changes the marriage. And it is one aspect I do not want to be left without.

Marriages in the temple are special. I have never been to one. I have walked through a sealing room though. And I have talked to people who have. And I have a testimony that marriages and families can be together forever because of the sealing of husband and wife at the right time, in the right place, and by the right authority.

Forever.

James E. Faust said something along these lines. It is hard to understand what is outside of our experience. Every week I get a little further outside of my experience. This week I would like to spend learning about Marriage. Marriage is outside of my experience. Thus I only know as much as I have learned from family, from observation, from textbooks, and from the experiences others share with me. Although all of these things hold a lot of validity, it is still out of my experience so I will not be able to capture marriage as a whole. I still believe it is worth giving a try.

Marriage is probably the most influential and thus most important decision you will make in your life. We probably shouldn't marry because we are in love with being in love. And you probably should not marry someone you have not dated. But it is important to get married and do it right.

Doing it right encompasses these three things: the right person, the right place, the right time. One thing about marriage is that two of these three aspects will be different for everyone. The right place will hopefully be in a temple where we can be married for time and eternity. The right person will obviously and hopefully be different for every person. And finding that right person is up to everyone individually. And since there is no specified age of marriage, although there is a common time span, the right time differs.

Even with these three differences there are some commonalities. Marry someone that makes you better than you are. Someone that inspires you. Someone that uplifts you. Someone that compliments you. Someone that has common values, aspirations, goals. Marry someone you trust. Marry someone you are in true love with.

Defining True Love.

I am not quite sure you can put a definition on love. But I asked a couple of people to try.

I used to think that true love felt like running through the finish line in first place every single day. Now I think that true love is like running through the finish line dead last but you are the happiest person alive because of who is waiting with open arms for you on the other side. Like anything in life there are challenges and trials and we are not always going to have it all,but when you know that someone is always waiting there for you and cheering you on and loves you no matter what happens or what place you are in....is definitely true love to me.

When you both care about the other person more than yourself, then you have true love.

My definition is a strong connection and trust that overcomes all fears. And when you even think of that person you can't help but smile.

It really is working together with somene and caring for someone more than yourself.

Love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection.

Love is knowing their imperfections and still loving them.

True love as giving your whole heart to someone without expectation of reward.

Affectionate concern for the well-being of others.

The love of which the Lord speaks of is not only physical attraction, but also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. It is cleanliness of life and sacrifice and unselfishness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes.

I love love.

Sure Do Love You!

True Love.

This sunday we got to meet together as a relief society for our bishop to give us a lesson. His lesson was on love. Listening to his prepared statement and ideas I couldn't help but think he knows this all from experience because he has true love for his sweet wife. There was a point when he was telling us that sometimes he has to take business trips and it is really hard to be away from his wife for too long. He said when he got home he always loved to just give her a big hug and express that he was so happy to be home. Mostly because he could be back with her. I love those kind of sweet stories. I believe that is true love.

I want to consider the idea that love is not thrust upon you when the time is right. It is something to be sought after and cultivated. I have learned that it is truly a choice you make. It requires work and effort as well as a natural affection towards someone. I kind of always thought that falling in and out of love was something that happened that you didn't really have control of. But we do have control and we can choose. That fact brings me comfort because even if it is hard I can choose to love.

Not having much experience on the marriage end of the spectrum I would like to look at my family life. I have an older brother and a younger brother both whom I love dearly and both who drive me crazy 95% of the time. At times I think it would be easy for me to say "I did not sign up for this. Get me out of here." At these moments I try to remember that I have control of what I do and I still love them in spite of the annoyances they are. After I choose that path, in a twist of fate one of them might find a moment of seriousness and kindness towards me and I will feel amazingly blessed that I was given two wonderfully strong brothers who are good boys and good examples.

Those times help me to remember to choose to love. The choice is difficult at times but the consequences are absolutely worth it.

From Relationship to Engagement

Whether the ward fosters your relationship, or you find it on your own, there will be a point in time when it will turn from relationship to engagement. The biggest and most wonderfully awesome decision you may ever make will be when that boy gets down on his knee and asks the question every girl dreams of hearing "Will you Marry Me?" With your one word answer your very life will be changed whether you say yes or no.

So what happens between the girlfriend question to the marriage question. Well I believe it is a crazy little thing called love. True, deep, pure love. Even the kind of love we hear about it fairy tales, the love that conquers or will come to conquer all. It should be love unmatched to any love you have know. Selfless and real. When it enters the heart and is solidified by the choice made to love someone with all that you have, relationship turns into engagement.

Remember the little rhyme Sally and Johnny sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, than comes a baby in the baby carriage. Well love precedes marriage. I think the rhyming people got it right.

Of course there are other things that are considered during the relationship process and before marriage. Things like trust, friendship, being able to have a good time together, sharing dreams and goals and aspirations, having common ideals, and an assortment of others.

But love may potentially be the highest on my list.

So how do you define love? What is the best definition of true love that you have heard or said?

I have a favorite from Dr. Seuss.

"You know your in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

And I love a little Rascal Flatts:

"Love who you love. With all that you have. And don't waste the time that flies so fast. Love who you love. And say that you do. Hold on as tight as they'll let you."

Fostering Relationships

So I went to a ward council meeting on sunday. I think what happens at ward council is suppose to stay at ward council. But something was just too funny not to share with the roommates. And I guess it was just too funny to not share with the blogging world.

A counselor in the Bishopric was ending the important events and decided we needed to discuss a thought provoking question. Does our ward need to foster relationships? Not just friendship relationships. Romantic relationships. In our ward.

So I came home an announced it to Allred 11. Ash and I went further in discussion. Are relationships struggling in the mormon college world where the ward needs to intervene?

So what do you think? Do wards need to help college students out in their search for an eternal companion? And if we do, how do we do it?

Moving On

The dating scene is great, but there is obviously a time to move on. After a number of dates with a person, and a desire to get to know this person one on one, a boy may pose the question "Would you like to take our relationship to the next level? You know be exclusive?" Or something along those lines.

Before you answer consider this. Post mission during the college dating scene your answer should be based on the following idea. Don't go exclusive unless you are ready to consider the possibility of eternal marriage with them.

Interesting huh? I thought so too as I learned about this in my LDS marriage and family class. But it makes sense. At this point in my life, and in the lives of those that are trying to move from dating into relationships, this question is very applicable. What is the point of being in a relationship with someone if you do not want it to progress? I am not saying that you have to be ready to say yes if they immediately follow up with the engagement question, but the engagement question after a period of relationship may be, in your mind, a possibility in the future.

So when a boy asks you "You want to make this relationship exclusive?" (Or anything along those lines)... when you say yes you may also be saying " I think I might be interested in seeing if we could be together forever."

A Final Word on Dating

To The Women on Dating

Young women, resist too much hanging out, and encourage dates that are simple, inexpensive, and frequent. Don’t make it easy for young men to hang out in a setting where you women provide the food. Don’t subsidize freeloaders. An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door.

If you do this, you should also hang up a sign, “Will open for individual dates,” or something like that. And, young women, please make it easier for these shy males to ask for a simple, inexpensive date. Part of making it easier is to avoid implying that a date is something very serious. If we are to persuade young men to ask for dates more frequently, we must establish a mutual expectation that to go on a date is not to imply a continuing commitment. Finally, young women, if you turn down a date, be kind. Otherwise you may crush a nervous and shy questioner and destroy him as a potential dater, and that could hurt some other sister.

- Dallin H. Oaks

To The Men on Dating

Men have the initiative, and you men should get on with it. If you don’t know what a date is, perhaps this definition will help. I heard it from my 18-year-old granddaughter. A “date” must pass the test of three p’s: (1) planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off.

…Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to “shop around” in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects. The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None of that happens in hanging out.

-Dallin H. Oaks

A List of Date Ideas For You- A List Complied by asking college students what their best dates have been. Thanks to everyone who helped the cause.

Make Dinner Together

Picnic Date

Breakfast Date

Fast Food Progressive Dinner (Taco Bell for the appetizer, Subway for Main Course, Jamba for a smoothie.)

Interactive Museum

Roast Marshmallows/ S’mores

Smoothie Experimenting Date

Cookie Making/ Delivering

Volunteer Date

Ice Blocking

Flying a Kite

Study Date (Take a tablecloth, electric candle, and chocolate kisses to the library. Spread them out and study)

Hike

College Sporting Event

Competitive Sporting Date (Basketball, Volleyball, Tennis games, Bowling)

Competitive Video Game Date

Scavenger Hunt Date

Mini Golf

Pumpkin Carving Competition

Biking

Christmas Ornament Making Date

Shovel and Old Ladies sidewalk then have Hot Chocolate

Sledding

Go to a new restaurant and split a decadent dessert!

Tye Dye Socks

Go Star Gazing

Tandem Bike Ride

Get Mentos and Diet Coke and Put on a Fountain Show

Have a Decades Date (Dress up like you are from the 40’s or 50’s or 60’s ect. Eat a food from the era. Listen to music from the era. Love the era.)

Have A Wildlife Tee Shirt Date

Go Carts

Archery

Sit on the Roof and watch the sun go down or look at the stars and listen to the song Up on the Roof

Have a budgeted date. You can only spend $5 get creative

Going to the beach like in the late afternoon and hiking this hill and watching the sun set into the ocean.

Hitting glow stick juice covered golf balls off a cliff or into a lake after dusk.

Playing broom hockey on Utah lake.

Dinner at the Canon Center then walk to the bell tower and make banana boats on the lights with tin foil. Then walk over to DT field and watch a movie on a laptop.

Dinner where ever, Planetarium show on campus. Return to apartment and make 2-liter water rockets while watching Space Jam (or any other space themed movie) and then launch the rockets using a launcher.

Take the date on a semi short but long enough hike and then have a back pack with a little stove and cook up some natural tea (boil cinnamon sticks in water, add sugar), enjoy the company and the scenery.

Before dinner, go around, in the mall perhaps, and take a bunch of pictures together, get them developed, and then during dinner, write some funny captions on the back of the pictures. Then put them into a little photo album and give it to the girl at the end of the date.

I like simplicity, nothing too complicated.

Dating Through the Ages.

For todays Application I decided to get a little idea about how dating has changed through the ages. In order to get a taste of dating, I asked my grandparents, parents, and people my age what their best date ever was. The results are in.

Grandpa Hart- When I was dating in high school and college my favorite dates were going on a hay ride to somewhere in nature where we would get out and eat some dinner. The hay ride was fun and food was involved.

Grandma Hart- I loved dancing. In Salt Lake there were places that had live bands. We would each get a dance card and it was the best of times. I have fond memories of those experiences.

Combined Grandma and Grandpa Hart Best Date- We got a bicycle built for two. Grandpa packed the picnic basket and brought the blanket. They biked to a local park, set up the scene, and ate the delicious dinner. Then Grandma wanted to swing. So they found the nearest swing set. Well the rest is history. AHHH. Cute.

Dad- I loved Hay rides (hmm sounds kind of familiar). I also had a really good dance date. The church was celebrating 150 years. It was a formal dance in Salt Lake and it was so good.

Mom- In our day we had firesides dates. Awesome huh. We also did a lot of game nights. I pretty much liked any interactive date where we could just talk and get to know each other.

Combined Mom and Dad- We went to a Homecoming Dance right after we were engaged. We were young and in LOVE. And the rest is history.

Modern Boy #1-Dinner, then, go to a church gym or something and face paint each other with glow in the dark paint and then play glow in the dark dodgeball (with newspaper rolled into balls and then tapped to retain the shape), glow sticks and wristbands can be included as well. Then return to an apartment and dish ice cream and toppings into a rain gutter (new, unused of course) and just enjoy eating out of a rain gutter.

Modern Girl #1- My friend hadn't seen avatar so I made him wear all blue, I wore all blue, we watched avatar, and I made us all blue snacks haha (blue powerade, blue bug juice, blue corn chips, blue jello, all the blue skittles, and blueberry bagels with blueberry cream cheese and blueberry yogurt!) It was very fun!

Dating has changed, but it still provides the opportunity for the same purposes. Dating is a pre-requisite to eternal marriage. So it is an important step in the whole Marriage and Family Scheme.

A Story of Service

In my ward we have a really neat service organization. Service in the ward naturally connects to dating. So the co-chairs of the service committee put those two things into action and thus we see: service dates.

Service dates are pretty much like an arranged marriage, without the commitment attached. But really a boy and a girl are just picked out of a hat, come together, and go do an hour of service. I was lucky enough to be randomly chosen last week. Here is my story of service.

The Man: David

The Date: DI Unloading

I was especially lucky because in the midst of trying to figure out how to set up the service dates I was not announced at ward prayer like previous girls had been. David had to come and ask me in person after he drew my name from a hat. He came by during the day on Thursday when only my roommate Katie was home. Since I was not home Katie said she could just give him my number so he could call. He said he would like to ask in person and would just come back later that night (bonus points). Later that night he did come back. He asked me. I accepted. I noticed a very apparent difference in the way he asked for the date and the ways that I have previously been asked (pre mission vs. post mission?). In his experience he had it confidently aligned into a question of clarity. All bases were covered. Time. Date. Location. What I should wear. Perfect.

Well Saturday came around and he was here to pick me up right on time (double/triple/ quadruple bonus points.) If you want to start a date off right, pick her up on time. We drove to the DI, completed our service assignment and then some, and went to get ice cream for our efforts.

We reported a good date and a good time at the next ward prayer.

Dates do not have to be extravagant or expensive. They do not have to extend across hours of activities. They can be simple. They can be productive. They can be fun, even if you are with a complete stranger.

Dating 101

Well it's a new week and a new topic.

The topic of choice is Dating.

Dating is a wonderfully funny and great thing. I personally love dating. Especially college style dating. It is good, bad, and sometimes it is just awkward. No matter the style of dating (whether good, bad, or awkward) I will always feel inclined to say Yes.

So why is it such a struggle for some boys to ask girls out for a date. I really do think it is hard to knock on a door or dial a number, but not hard enough to give up eternal salvation with a perfectly wonderful woman. I was writing a missionary today (not my missionary, just a missionary:) who fully believes I will be married before he gets back. I wrote back asking him how he plans for me to get married if I don't even go on dates? Hmmmmm? Well lucky for me our ward does a little arranged service dating (kind of like an arranged marriage without the commitment part). Two names are just picked out of a hat and before you know it those two people are sent out to serve. I was drawn just this weekend but that story will come your way tuesday.

I think dating is just a fun thing and the only thing in this society that will lead to eternal marriage. So what if a girl/boy kindly turns you down. Shake it off. Cross him or her off (the potential for eternal companion list). And move on to better prospects. More than likely there will be one date that will turn into two dates that will turn into an 20 dates that will continue into engagement and eternal life with an eternal companion. Then all the pain of rejection will be totally forgotten and loves pure bliss will take its place.

Post Script: What is the best date you have ever been on? Not necessarily the best person you have been on a date with, but the best activity/ plan that has ever been produced by a great mind?

Lucky I'm In Love With My Best Friend

Friendship week is almost over. But not without a short interview with my good friend and dear roommate Vivian Danella Zamora.

Vivian has a nickname in our room. She is The Friend. She acquired this nickname Freshman year. You see Viv has a way of easily connecting to people. She becomes friends with so many of the people she comes in contact with. It is a real, sincere, and deep friendship too. I asked her how she did it. She replied. "It helps that I am extroverted. But really in order for others to trust you and become friends with you, you must make some effort. You have to want to get to know them, and you have to trust them too. Then both parties have to give."

In her experience she has found that when relationships are not founded on friendship, it doesn't take very long for the "love" to wear off and to begin to see the person for who they really are. For better or for worse. She believe that building friendship first is the way you get to know the other person. And it is good to know the person you are giving your heart to.

We both agree when we say that friendship will help relationships last. When relationships are solely based on love, the love will eventually fade and there will be no friendship to fall back on.

Think about your best friends. Now consider what you do for them. Consider why you do it. When I think of my roommates and consider why they do my dishes on occasion, or help me during a stressful week to get things done, I come to this conclusion. Since we have developed such a deep friendship we have learned to love each other. That means we are willing to sacrifice for each other. We sacrifice unselfishly and unconditionally. This can be traced back to a solid foundation of friendship that is continually growing in our lives.

I want to end this week with the perspective of a general authority. Elder Hafen said:

"Be friends first and sweethearts second. University professor Lowell Bennion once said that relationships between young men and young women should be built like a pyramid. The base of the pyramid is friendship. And the ascending layers are built of things like time, understanding, respect, and restraint. Right at the top of the pyramid is a glittering little mystery called romance.

Now, you don’t have to be very smart to know that a pyramid won’t stand up very long if you stand it on its point instead of its base. In other words, be friends first and sweethearts later, not the other way around. Otherwise, people who think they are sweethearts may discover they can’t be very good friends, and by then it may be too late."

Best Friends Forever

This past weekend I left Provo for a couple of days to attend a family reunion. It was a lot of fun to take a quick break from school. I left Thursday night and got home in the early afternoon of Sunday. I pushed open the door with a backpack, bag, blanket, and pillow all in hand. I am sure I looked pretty exhausted and I definitely needed a shower. I stood their in the doorway to find my two good roommates/ best friends sitting on the couches. Ashley and Katie both exclaimed (yes it was an exclamation) "Mallory! We are so happy you are home." Right about then I felt pretty blessed to have such amazing roommates who miss me when I am gone and are sincerely happy when I get home. They are my best friends.

When I consider marriage I believe this is a perfect example of what I want. I want someone who will miss me and be sincerely happy when we are reunited every day. I want to be able to reciprocate these feelings. Obviously it might not be exclaimed every day, but it should be apparent in verbal expression and body language. I believe the sincere joy of seeing someone is something that grows out of deep friendship. Without a solid foundation of pure friendship, annoyances start to get in the way of being happy to be together.

Ah You're My Best Friend

Let's start at the very beginning because it is a very good place to start.

Before the journey of marriage and family life can even begin, a good foundation for a successful future comes in the form of friendship.

I don't know what everyone else desires in their eternal companion but I can tell you that I want someone who is my very best friend. Someone I have learned to trust with my little secrets. Someone who is easy to converse with. Someone who I can do adventurous things with. I want to have my friendship founded on laughter and joy. I want to be able to just have fun. I want to find similarities, hobbies, and goals that we have and are able to work towards together. I just want to be best friends. Forever friends. Friends that can be together for life and into the eternities.

A foundation built with friendship will strengthen a future relationship.

The Rough Draft

Within the next ten weeks, and maybe even into the beyond, I will present topics that are relevant to Marriage and Families. Some of the pending topics include...

~Dating

~Essentials of an Eternal Companion

~Relationships to Engagements

~Eternal Marriage

~Children: The Greatest Joy

~The Family A Proclamation to the World

~Extended Family Relationships

~Sacrifice

~Building Relationships

~Trust

~Continuing Courtship

These topics will probably vary, but the principles behind the topics are ever important in creating a successful family life. By studying these in a variety of ways we may be able to more fully implement them into the daily lives we live.

*Have a topic you want to see happen? Requests are definitely accepted and encouraged!

An Introduction

My name is Mallory Hart.

I am currently a Sophomore at Brigham Young University in Provo. I am majoring in the School of Family Life with an Emphasis in Marriage and Family Studies.

My qualifications are low, but my expectations are high. With this blog I hope to highlight the beautiful nature of the family. I hope to bring to light the truths about marriage and family life. In a world where Hollywood as well as other forms of media are sending skewed messages about the family, truths are lost. So many people, myself included, look to the media as a comparison of what family life should be. When they do not see in their own families what they see in the media they become discouraged and feel a sense of failure. Well failure is not an option, not in family life, not if you want to make it to the highest degree of the celestial kingdom and truly live happily ever after. Do not be discouraged for success is an option. Happiness can be achieved. Happily Ever After is quite a reality. I hope through this blog to focus on those things that will help us as families to reach our goals, find joy, build relationships, and remember the eternal nature of the family we are a part of.

The format of this blog will go a little something like this (with room for flexibility of course).

Sunday-I will choose a topic, or will have someone help me to choose a topic for the week. I will give personal opinions about the topic. I will try my best to use the knowledge I have gained in my area of study as well as personal experiences to discuss this topic with as much truth as I can muster.

Tuesday-I will give an example in real life of the topic of choice. It could be something I observe or a story I hear from someone else. This way we can see a truth in action.

Thursday-I will gain a second insight. This way you know I am not crazy. I believe in the power of a second witness. If for some reason no one on this planet agrees or adds anything to what I said on sunday I will humbly take back what was posted and set the record straight.

Marriages and families are probably one of the most important units in society, in communities, in personal lives. Let us continue to build our relationships with our siblings, spouses, cousins, grandparents, parents, everyone who is family. I hope this blog will inspire us to become better siblings, spouses, cousins, grandparents, parents, ect.